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January 07 Sacks of sticks of sotongs!It's not so bad...
When all I can remember now is how I went wrong.
And then, there are blank spaces lurking around every corner of my mind. No wait, they are puddles of water in my eyes. It's not that I am tearing; my eyes are rippling ponds, that's all.
Sorry, I am getting carried away.
Those spaces apparently are sacks of the things I did right. You know... sacks. Like a headless dolls; like huge balls of cotton that tempt one to punch instead of hug.
But it's really not so bad...
When the right things seem nonsensical, nonexistent. They don't make me miss anything. They either disappear into thin air after a while or stuff up my brain like sotong balls.
But the wrong things are good. They are satay sticks that pierce right through the sotong balls (my brain), straighten things out and instill a sense of order and logic.
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It's really, really not bad at all.
Because maybe one day you will bump into me while I am selling sotongs-on-sticks. And you know what I will do? I will offer you one for free. It no longer just symbolises sorted out thoughts; it won't just taste yummy because it used to be the right things I'd done for you.
Apologies. That's what it will be - a stick of sorries. I am not a brilliant cook. The sotongs may be too oily, too salty... and knowing me, I might just marinate them with vinegar instead of seasoning sauce. But I want to imagine your cheeks filling up, turning rosy like small inflated balloons. I want to watch you chewing and swallowing the sotongs, and rubbing your tummy -in satisfaction I HOPE-. You will not utter a word... except for having a greasy grin stuck on your face.
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You know what longing is about? Longing is me waiting for my apologies to reach you.
Not now, but one day.
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